Sustaining Your Current Relationships

Successful relationships require give-and-take. A good rule of thumb is to treat your friends as you want to be treated. In other words, be the friend you want to have. Many factors contribute to healthy, happy relationships.  

Show your appreciation.  Tell your friends and family how important they are to you and thank them for all they give you.

Stay in touch through phone calls, texts, and emails; reciprocate invitations.  

Be available when you’re needed. True friends come through when times are tough. Be a good listener and allow your friends to confide freely and without being judged.  

Accept their help. Some people find it hard to accept support, preferring to be the one always offering it instead. Some may fear becoming dependent or want to maintain their self-image as the “strong” and “together” one. But friends and family often want to feel they have done something for you. Let them! Accepting help can help you. It also keeps the relationship balanced and lets your friends and loved ones know that they have something to offer that you value.

Support successes. When you genuinely care about someone you will be excited when they succeed. If you find yourself feeling a little jealous too, you can acknowledge that to yourself, but don’t let it poison your friendship.

Keep the lines of communication open. Open, honest communication is the lifeblood of healthy, happy relationships. If a friend does or says something that hurts your feelings, try to deal with it directly. Start by assuming that it is a misunderstanding or that the misstep was unintentional, but ask them about it. (Don’t stuff bruised feelings.) Your friend will likely appreciate the opportunity to remedy the situation. Whatever the case, accept apologies graciously (as you would hope others would accept yours).

Respect needs and limits. Each person has their own setting for how much social interaction they need and want. Know your own and respect that of others, even it differs from yours.

Know when a relationship isn’t working for you. If you find that you are drained whenever you see a particular friend, or that he or she is inconsiderate of your time or feelings, or is unreliable, highly critical of you, or generally negative, they may not be the friend for you. Similarly, if they engage in unhealthy behaviors, such as alcohol or substance abuse, particularly if you have had trouble with such issues, they also may not be a good choice for your social support network.

Remember, those in your support system should help you reduce stress, not increase it. They should support your goals and efforts to achieve them, not belittle or undermine or ignore them.